My Mental Health Withdrawl Experience

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Benzo withdrawals pulled the filter from my brain and cleared it out of my mouth!

I think this was the most devastating part.

I couldn’t make a good decision to save my life.

i couldn’t say anything right to save my life either.

This is the part that cost me. This was what I turned into, saying every crazy thing that came to my mind. I had to be right about everything.
man was I wrong. At least I know.

it wasn’t me, it was my meds.

It’s Thursday, tomorrow is garbage day. I’ll have to take the trash out later tonight.

While tapering, for most of the last 5 years. Taking out the trash would trigger endless thoughts, that it would just be easier if I took my life. 

Every waking moment felt about the same.

The persuasive nature of the captor is convincing. I knew it was coming again, so I prepared myself.

I took the notecard out of my pocket to remember:

Its not me, it’s my meds.

Every moment of every day was a state of panic for years.

I recently completed a Myers-Briggs personality type assessment at work.

It said that I am a social person?

I have been hiding in my cave, in the dark for as long as I can remember. I made plans and then cancelled quite regularly. God forbid the doorbell stand and I had to address someone else. I was afraid, afraid to go outside, afraid others would see the way I feel

Agorophobia is not fun, and broke me down to the point that I am lonelier than I’ve ever been.

But I still remembe. It’s not me, it’s my meds.

There’s nothing like being completely crazy!

Especially when everyone treats you like it’s permanent.

They pretend to try for a while.
Then blame you when they give up.

Wish I was never prescribed this “medicine”.

But I’m stronger than I know, you are too.

Its not us, it’s our meds!